


Deadnettle

by fangirl_feminista



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Post-Titans, Blood and Gore, Dubious Consent, F/M, M/M, Unhealthy Relationships, no this is not a "erwin is the bad guy and eren heals levi's ouchy" kind of thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-05-11 02:56:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5611243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl_feminista/pseuds/fangirl_feminista
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The case report was graphic and emotionless. For the first time, Levi saw scientific curiosity fail Hanji. She looked at Levi like she couldn’t recognize him. </p>
<p>[The tale goes like this: the fearless, noble heroes of the Scouting Legion vanquished the mighty villainous titans. Levi knows another story, and there is no hero in this one.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deadnettle

**Author's Note:**

> Listen:
> 
> [Deadnettle | An Attack on Titan Fanmix](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista/deadnettle-an-attack-on-titan-fanmix?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) from [fangirl_feminista](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) on [8tracks Radio](http://8tracks.com?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button).
> 
> The end notes contain the spoilery tags.

“C’mon, just once! Give us a one little kiss!”

Marie’s lips are bright red and smiling, her hazel eyes shining under the chandelier lights. Surrounded by a hundred bejeweled noblewomen in a royal affair, no one would spare her a second glance. Except that beside her is the celebrated Erwin Smith, who easily stands out from all the noblemen.

Her escort moves between her and the military police captains. “Now, now. Is that any way to talk to a lady?” Erwin says evenly. Anyone with an ounce of wit would sense that this is the time to back off. Unfortunately, the MP does not belong to this category.

“Oh, Erwin. We all know I’m no lady,” Marie chides him, her smile unfazed. With the same cheery voice, she says to their companions, “Is that any way to talk to your former commander’s widower?”

After the men walk away, Marie snorts loudly. “This party is bull. Where the hell is Hanji and why were we talking to those idiots instead of her? That lot is all bark and no balls. Their bawdy grins died as fast as the MP die when facing the titans.”

“Marie,” Erwin says sternly. “Your husband was their commander.”

“And as stupid as them,” she counters bluntly. “The bastard was noble, at least. Fat lot of good that did us.”

Erwin knows there is nothing good he could say, so he just wraps his remaining arm around her waist. Marie sighs in resignation. “Well, what can I do? You’re all honorable idiots.”

_Honor?_ Erwin blinks twice, his stride missing a beat. He is momentarily confused by the misplaced admiration in Marie’s gaze. Oblivious to his unease, Marie rolls her eyes and adds, “That goes for all the men I love.”

It almost sounds foreign to Erwin’s ears. He shakes the discomfort off. For as long as he can remember, he’s been content with something much less than love, with someone much simpler than a beautiful woman with a future.

“I—“ Erwin swallows his hesitation. “I love you too.”

The commander of the recon corps couldn’t have things like honor or love. It’s wasn’t such a stretch to apply the same to the squad leaders, to the captains, to the recruits, to the urchins at the fringes of the legion.

Now _strength_ , strength was good. If so, there was nothing better than humanity’s strongest. He chose his _closest_ ally well. But that was a long time ago, when he wore Erwin’s uniform and Erwin’s wings and Erwin’s desire. In a bleached titan skin suit, draped with a famed cloak as black as the crevices of his mind, he has become Levi Ackerman. His best soldier now stands by his rightful place—the Queen’s side. The monarchy has need of him, and Erwin no longer does.

Then what else is it? When those lifeless gray eyes follow him the entire night, and he gets an erection, what would that be called? It’s because Erwin is the man he is, and Levi has changed but not really, because his chapped lips part and he mouths—

_Liar_.

Erwin’s answering glare sends shivers down Levi’s spine. Will anyone notice that his cloak is not fluttering from the wind? The commander never needs to do or say anything—with one withering look, Levi immediately understands that he’s no more than the filth Erwin picked up from the Underground.

But also no less than the filth who broke him, flayed him, and sent him to hell.

“The titans have nothing on you, _Commander_ ,” Levi had said under his breath so many nights before, his hands splayed on Erwin’s bare chest. He was a vulture attracted by the scent of death. “Humans have nothing on you.”

He confirmed what Erwin had always known—he was special. It was all he could ever be. A lion does not cry out, not when all his limbs are trapped in a snare, not when a paring knife slips between his skin and muscle, not when a predator stares hungrily at his wounds.

Levi looked up at him with eyes alight. Erwin could see in his stare that he was remembering his friends’ severed head and shredded bowels. Levi slid his tongue across the cut, relishing each red drop. Erwin watched on, his pupils dilated with feverish excitement. Levi dug two perfectly filed nails into the wound. “Monster.”

Erwin started screaming.

Maybe he was just plain crazy. Nile himself had questioned the state of his mind, given the choice he had made on their rivalry. Of course, Nile had been the same, until Marie came in and her stubby fingers stitched him into a normal person. Before Erwin’s heart could go into lockdown, it was too late. The two were married, Marie was heavy with child, and Erwin realized exactly what shade of fucked up he was to choose truth over life. He was never one to regret his choices anyway; the only way was forward.

The only way was forward, running on madness, dropping down on his knees, sinking to the depths of the mountain of corpses he’s built.

“Do you think they find us tasty anyway?” Levi asked one time. They were lying by the grassy riverbanks near an abandoned castle, regrouping after another decimating expedition. “They don’t need the fucking nutrients, why would they eat us otherwise?”

Erwin didn’t have the answers, and he doubted that Levi cared. His newly-appointed captain turned over, leaning towards him. “How do you think you would taste?”

“Like normal,” the words rolled out of Erwin’s lips before he could think better of them. “Like human.”

Levi slapped him so hard that Erwin could taste blood. Small hands cradled his head, smoothing his hair back and caressing him until the ringing in his skull stopped. “And me?” Levi asked without inflection. “How do you think I’d taste when you feed me to the titans?”

_Like poison_. Instead, Erwin replied that he would rather it be him than some dumb titan. Levi stripped him and sunk his teeth into his flesh, counting to 36 devoured comrades. At some point, Erwin began thinking Levi would eat him right there, and leave his naked mangled corpse for the corps to see.

His men might be happy to see that.

The welcome Shiganshina District gave them was as harrowing as the sendoff. The soldiers covered in grime and bloody bandages and the mutilated corpses piled high on a cart were heralded with contempt. But there was a more disquieting undercurrent—terror.  The young ones wept, fearing for their own lives, demanding to be protected from the monsters beyond the walls.

_The real monster is within the walls, and I can’t protect you from him._

The old ones begged for their children, and then for their children’s bodies, and then for blood. The wives tore at their hair and gnashed their teeth, growling with a ferocity greater than that of titans. Every scuffle and disgruntled mumbling in the crowd was treacherous. A single spark would set it all ablaze.

Many a night had Erwin dreamt of a rioting mob collapsing on him, ripping his flesh and bones apart. Even as he drowned in cold sweat, shivering violently in the midst of summer, he would still be gripped by fascination. The thought would come unbidden whenever Levi’s teeth were tearing on his skin.

“I don’t need a hero,” Levi said as he unfastened Erwin’s gear. His fingers were quick and steady, and the way they skimmed over Erwin’s clothes made his knees weak. Levi always took his time folding all their discarded clothes before he got on the bed. Erwin sighed in relief as Levi’s weight pressed against his erection. His heart calmed as those strong legs trapped him in place. Levi unclasped his commander’s bolo tie and put it on himself.

“I just need you.” It sounded like comfort to Erwin’s ears. And then Levi would dig his strong fingers around Erwin’s neck. He could borrow the cravat if he needed to, but only if Levi thought the bruises were bad enough to warrant it.

Things were perfectly wrong the way they were, but there’s always a wrench in the plan. Commander Erwin Smith, of all people, should be used to dealing with the unexpected.

Erwin was oddly fixated on naming the color of his eyes. They seemed to change with the angles of sunlight, with the tides of his temper. Erwin was not blind. He could see that something was changing in the Recon Corps. The troops were as sullen as ever, cynical as suicidal zealots could be, but when they looked at Eren, when _Levi_ looked at Eren—

He thought jealousy was reserved for normal people.

At any case, it’s the biggest break he’d ever had, and Erwin was never happier. It was the closest to the truth as he’d come. Nothing was too precious to sacrifice in their next expedition. The price crushed Erwin as always, and Levi like never before. No one was able to save his squad, not their stellar titan slaying skills, not their precious corporal, and certainly not hope of humanity Eren Jager.

Levi appeared in Erwin’s room that night.

It wasn’t the first time that Levi needed him, but Erwin felt an overwhelming sense of power as his fist connected with Levi’s torso. Levi fell on the hardwood floor with a satisfying groan of agony. He coughed in pain as Erwin tore his clothes off. The blows came in systematic and controlled succession, drowning all the thoughts in Levi’s head. When his vision cleared, Erwin was thrusting into him like the titans are coming to end humanity. Levi pulled him up to thank him with a kiss, and Erwin rewarded him with the most beautiful smile he had ever seen.

What he saw in Erwin’s eyes wasn’t happiness, so much as a sick glee. Levi didn’t have anyone else to come to anymore. No one understood him like Erwin had, anyway.

As the next months battered humanity, Erwin kept Levi in his trusted circle. He had been nothing but a loyal subordinate and a brusquely caring friend outside of their liaisons. As Erwin hung chained in his dark cellar, awaiting a mock trial that would most likely end with him swinging in the gallows, he could only think of Levi’s face. All of his principles seemed so far away. He was nothing more than the animal Levi saw in him. If his captain was there, surely he would rescue him. Or he would finish Erwin off himself. The vision terrified him more than death. When he cried for mercy, the guards laughed at him, thinking it was them he was beseeching.

Nile was the only friendly visitor he had, if one could extend friendly behavior to include accusations of being batshit crazy. Erwin thought _Marie_ , when he’d long revoked his right to say her name. Erwin thought _her children_ , when he had orphaned so many children in his crusades. He realized then that they’re the only ones still anchored to the bit of humanity left inside him.

After all was said and done, and there was no more need for a suicidal leader in the Scouting Legion, Erwin’s feet took him to the Doks’ door. Marie’s red-lipped smile was gone, replaced a bloodless, quivering grimace. She was clad in all-black, which she’d said all those years ago was “never my color”. All three children were standing by her and crying the tears of those who just figured out how cruel the world was. It wasn’t pity, or friendship, or chivalry that pinned Erwin in place. It was hope.

Erwin should’ve gone back to where he truly belonged—in his chains. But he thought that even a monster is a better guardian than a flag-covered coffin. Nile might have had peace in rest, but the legacy of his honor had left his family with bitter enemies. There were many arrangements needed to secure their position.

On the seventh week, he came back to the headquarters to find Levi’s quarters completely empty. Even in his panicked delirium, Erwin knew the simple fact that soldiers’ tongues loosen with alcohol. There was hardly any need for it anyway. In the days that he’d been preoccupied, rumors spread that Levi was preparing to be the Queen’s personal protector. It made perfect sense to anyone that humanity’s strongest would make the best Commander of the Queensguard.

Her Highness received him herself. Standing beside her throne was Levi, clad in a bleached titan skin suit and a raven black cloak. Erwin fell on one knee and gave a firm salute. When he lifted his head, Levi was looking at him like it was just another night in his quarters, like it was only the two of them in the world. For a moment, Erwin’s mind went completely blank.

Queen Historia broke through his reverie, offering to knight him into her Queensguard in a majestic ceremony with both the nobles and the masses in attendance. Erwin had foreseen the invitation. He imagined serving under Commander Levi Ackerman, being subjected to his absolute authority for the rest of his life. Erwin almost said yes, but he touched his amputated arm and knew that would’ve been a mistake. The Queen nodded sympathetically and turned to her sworn shield with a knowing glance.

“He has a family to take care of, Your Grace,” Levi said evenly, his eyes burning through Erwin.

Erwin was escorted out of the castle, a convenient excuse for elite soldiers to convince him of the Queen’s proposal. Surely, even with the damages he’d sustained, his brilliant strategic mind would serve the royalty well? Erwin politely declined over and over, not even listening to their arguments. His mind was already drifting to where it had always belonged.

The new commander’s quarters was larger but looked exactly the same as the last one. Levi looked at him with baleful eyes, but Erwin stood his ground. He would take all that Levi would hurl on him and abandon all his right to self-defense.

Levi could’ve said, “Let’s just forget this ever happened”. Better, “This is our chance to start anew”. But he had never been a very good liar. That part was reserved for Erwin Smith. After minutes of complete silence, the ex-commander finally understood this.

“Our comrades are starting the lives they never thought they could have,” Erwin said. “We’ve been living like there’s no tomorrow. Now is our chance to live like there’s a future.”

Erwin sincerely believed those words, of course. He was quite used to fooling himself with his own lies. Levi tried to picture Marie standing by him as he said these things. Erwin loved her before he’d ever stepped on the Underground. Even so, Levi hadn’t particularly resented Marie. If anything, he was fascinated by her warm, crooked smile, the curves she hid under practical clothes, the way she turned her plain but pleasant face at the call of _mother_. She even looked a bit like Kuchel.

This world was not made for people like that. When Levi’s mother died, she’d looked like a monster sucked the life out of her. Levi tried to imagine how Marie would look like in Kuchel’s place.

“Levi.” Erwin’s voice rung with finality. He held his remaining hand out. Levi had always known he and Erwin would end in goodbye, he just hadn’t expected their separation to be bloodless, so _normal_.

He took the outstretched hand and brought it to his lips. Then, he ran his tongue along Erwin’s ring finger _._ The slight indentation near his first knuckle told Levi that a ring was hiding somewhere in Erwin’s pockets.

_If you gave me half of what you’re giving her, I could love you._

“You’ve made your choice. Don’t regret it,” Levi ordered with no inflection.

Levi was given twenty soldiers to train in the Queensguard. Soon they all despised him with a passion. _Erwin could outdo all of you combined_ , Levi thought wryly. _He hates me more than all of you combined too._

Levi missed him terribly.

The unbearable heat of the sun, the blue of the summer sky, the miserly rain that gives futile hope. Of course a monster could take many forms. Every waking moment was Erwin’s afterimage branded on his mind. Levi would remind himself that relief was coming at night, only to remember that no, it wasn’t. So it would be two in the morning and Levi would be doing push-ups until the sun peeked over the horizon and bathed his unconscious body with light.

So when Erwin emerged from one of Castle Reiss’s hidden passageways, Levi laughed like a madman.

There was blood on his hands, and not metaphorically this time. One look into his wild eyes and Levi knew. Erwin had done something that made him regret his choice and he’d come crawling back to his captor’s arms. Every inch of Levi’s skin trembled with revulsion. He could not stand the sight of Erwin, the man who had once been his commander. He couldn’t believe he once thought he was pursuing a future that Levi could not see. And he couldn’t forgive himself for deciding to follow him.

Erwin Smith was so _weak_.

“Save me,” he moaned like a dying animal. A dying monster. Erwin threw himself at Levi’s feet pressed his lips to the cold floor. “Levi, I lo—”

Levi slammed his door shut.

Erwin’s guttural roar rang inside Levi’s bones. “Mercy,” he cried desperately. “I’m begging you. Have mercy on me.”

_Like you had mercy on me?_

Erwin was banging against the door so hard that the entire frame shuddered. Levi’s eyes widened when he heard Erwin’s weight crash against the surface. The lower hinge gave immediately. “You’re the commander now. You’re humanity’s strongest.” Another thud, and the wood began to chip off. “Why aren’t you happy?” Erwin wailed from outside. “Levi!”

The door came crashing inside Levi’s quarters, and along with it came his intruder. Erwin fell crumpled on the floor, heaving like he’s running out of oxygen.

“I hurt her,” he said as if to himself. The sobs that racked his whole body made his words almost incoherent. “I loved her. But I hated her. Why did I hurt her?”

Levi was thrown and horrified by the hysteria in his eyes. Erwin was never disturbed about inflicting and receiving pain. Levi thought he understood the simple fact that life meant exactly that. Had it all been a lie? Was Erwin innocent all along?

No. It was Marie who blinded him.

Levi knelt beside him and held his bloody hands. “Don’t,” he hushed Erwin tenderly, holding the pieces together until Erwin could pretend that he was whole. The marching beat in his chest gradually abated. He was following the rhythm of Levi’s breathing, latching onto him like a forsaken child. Levi longed to discipline him.

_This is what you get for wandering off. You need me._

“Don’t regret who you are. That’s just how you are, Erwin,” Levi assured him before drawing blood from his lips. “You hurt the things that you love.”

In time, Erwin had come to know all the secrets of Castle Reiss. He could buy anything with charm and a glib tongue, including nightly rendezvous with the new commander. He was a changed man. The world accepted him as a celebrated military hero. The nobles happily capitalized on his strategic mind, which now had time for business affairs.

He never hit Marie again. With sleepy, trusting eyes, she would ask him if it was good. He would smile and keep the fact that he came imagining her face mangled and her breasts bleeding.

Still, there was a new hunger growing inside Erwin. Marie could not be like Levi, and Levi had not been enough. The need was clawing into Erwin’s insides, draining him of mercy and peace.

Levi came to know how cruel Erwin could be when he invited him over for a family lunch. Marie kissed Levi and smeared her red lipstick on his cheek. He was very much familiar with the shade, which often adorned Erwin’s skin. When she stepped back, Levi saw cold murder in her eyes. The lunch was impeccable.

Erwin walked Levi through their gardens, like he would any honored guest. “She taught me a bit about gardening,” he said in a voice he uses only when talking about Marie. Erwin kept a friendly distance as he walked past Levi towards a row of plants. He motioned at some tendrils Levi can’t distinguish from the rest of the herbogarbage.

“Deadnettle,” Erwin named it. “Weeds that germinate in the fall and grow during the winter. Stubborn little things.”

Levi had been frozen in place, a cold fist closing around his heart. Erwin, completely oblivious ( _never_ , Erwin Smith is never clueless, least of all when it comes to his soldiers), cupped the jagged leaves in his fingers.

“It grows from the lowest of the lows, crawling slowly on the dirt,” he continued, stroking the bold purple flower carefully.  “Except for the tip, which curves upward. Perhaps yearning for the sun.”

Erwin turned to face him. His clear blue eyes were bathed in the morning sun. “They die in late spring or early summer, when the days turn warmer and longer.”

_You are going to pay for this_ , Levi thought, mind already drifting to their next meeting.

Erwin marched on—he had always been incredibly brave. And incredibly foolish. “It was fascinating to me. I told Marie, just as everything else grows, this deadnettle dies off. A weed that eventually makes way for other plants to bloom.”

Levi couldn’t hear anything over the pounding march in his chest. He approached Erwin, stepping on the stupid weeds. “Did you also tell Marie that you fucked me?”

Erwin looked down on him, his eyes darkening. “She loves me,” he said in a low voice.  

“You’re not the only one who’s loved by fools,” Levi growled. Erwin did not know all there is to Castle Reiss, but he soon would.

The first time it happened, a royal guard ran to Levi’s quarters in the dead of the night. All the blood had been drained from his face. The look in his eyes told Levi that a nightmare had begun. Levi found Eren banging on his cell’s bars in wild abandon. His bedframe was broken into pieces, covered by cotton from his shredded pillows and bedding.

Eren’s pupils were gone, drowned by glinting green and wrath.

He told the guard that the incident was classified information, and only him and the Queen have the right to know. He said would discuss this matter personally with Her Highness of course. By then, Eren had completely sobered and pleaded to be studied as property of Hanji’s scientific team. This wasn’t a case of a few greedy MPs and fanatic priests impeding humanity’s progress. It was a case of state security. Levi knew he had the right of it.

“Nothing has changed. I will remain your custodian,” he said with absolute finality.

Queen Historia was kept updated of the entire affair, and Hanji wasted no time experimenting with different medications and behavioral therapies.

There were good nights, when the castle was at peace and Levi’s trysts with Erwin were undisturbed. There were good nights, when Eren spoke of improvements and recovery. Those nights slowly disappeared. As the situation escalated, the palace guard and the citizens began whispering amongst themselves. Never in Levi’s presence, but they had all known that—

“It’s only a matter of time,” Erwin whispered as he fingered the wounds Eren had inflicted on Levi the night before. Levi knew that the future could never be certain. The only thing he could rely on was the cruel smirk on Erwin’s lips, the vicious jealousy poisoning his eyes, the pain that seemed to never end. Levi was just living from night to night.

Eren would pace in his cell for days on end, finally falling asleep in exhaustion. Or he would sleep a full week, waking up only to stay in a vegetative state for hours. The piles of destroyed bedroom furniture grew. One day, chained by his hands and feet, Eren said, “When you kill me, make it quick.”

Of all the people Levi had killed, none sounded half as frightened.

Three months since the first incident, Levi came down to the dungeons to find Eren savagely tearing into his right arm. His severed hand was lying on the floor, cuff and all. Levi sounded numb to his own ears as he commanded all the Queensguard to leave and lock the whole corridor. They protested, until Levi reminded them that disobedience was treason, and treason was death.

“Save me,” Eren pleaded, tears and grime and blood adorning his golden face. The color of his eyes was wretchedness. He had never been more a child.

Levi stepped back. Comrades, rivals, soldiers, children, Erwin, and now Eren—all of them somehow thought he could do this thing. He could feel germs and bacteria climbing up his entire body. Eren reached out to him with his mangled forearm. The white elbow joint and the torn muscle fibers were so close to Levi’s face that he could take a bite. A petrifying titan roar ripped out of Eren’s mouth. Levi should have unsheathed his blades and sliced his nape off without a moment’s hesitation.

He couldn’t.

Levi fell to his knees, immobilized by repulsion and the painful hardness in his pants.

It would’ve been a mercy to kill Eren right there, but Levi had never known mercy. So he saved him the only way he knew.

Levi watched as the handcuffs dug into Eren’s left wrist, fraying more and more of his skin throughout the night. He listened patiently as the growls quieted down, how the primal rage in Eren’s screams turned to human pain and relief. When it was all done, he kneaded Eren’s aching body with expert fingers. Already, the boy was healing. Levi’s heart brimmed with pride and affection.

“Monster,” he murmured as he tenderly held Eren’s head to his chest. The boy sobbed desperately and told him to stay. Levi pushed him away and said that a pet monster could never command its master. As Eren apologized over and over, Levi spoiled him with bites and kisses.

Throughout that night, Levi had not thought of Erwin, not even once.

The case report was graphic and emotionless. For the first time, Levi saw scientific curiosity fail Hanji. She looked at Levi like she couldn’t recognize him. They sat silent for a few minutes before Hanji hung her head in her hands and asked if Levi’s treatment worked.

“I can take care of him,” Levi replied.

And he did. Levi would come well into the night, making his footfalls heavy and foreboding. Every time, he expected Eren to welcome him with hatred etched on his beautiful face. Every time, Eren would be half-mad and half-hard already. Levi did not let any emotion slip on his face as Eren began their ritual.

He would not take his eyes off the boy. After all, should he ever get out of control, it was Levi’s duty to kill him. Blood and cum were seeping through the open wounds, making Levi shiver in disgust. Eren knelt and buried his face in the black curls before looking up at him. His shining eyes were a hundred colors and overflowing with tears.

“Captain, I love you.”

Levi made a grievous mistake—Eren was no monster. As he chained him back, the boy hysterically protested and held onto him, asking what he did wrong, saying _sorry don’t leave_ , saying _no please have mercy_. Levi made sure Eren couldn’t talk with that mouth, not for a while.

Erwin came to his room to find Levi puking bile and vodka. The knives were already laid on the bed, as if he planned to start with or without company. When he noticed Erwin, Levi seized him and did not bother with the clothes.

“I love you,” Levi tested how the words would slide on his tongue, how they would sound in his voice. It was nothing like Eren’s. He looked down on Erwin and ran the blade across his amputated arm. “Would you like that?”

“Would you like it if someone loved you?” Erwin asked. Levi hated that Erwin knew, and he made him suffer for that knowledge.

“Captain?”

Eren had been hanging the tree outside the window, staring at them with bewildered pain. The cuffs and chains hung by his wrists and ankles. His face is covered by distinctive post-titan burns and his mouth was a bloody mess.

Erwin looked at Eren with bemused eyes and motioned for him to come inside. He jumped to the windowsill and hung there precariously, making Levi’s heart stutter. He stood up from the bed and pulled him in.

Eren looked down at Erwin, who was still laying beaten and cut up on Levi’s bed. “Get out,” he said numbly. “Or I’ll kill you.”

Erwin studied him with searching eyes. He got up and began putting on his clothes. “You are a strong child, Eren,” he said cordially as he stood by the door. “You are not broken beyond repair. Yet.”

After he left, Eren hauled the bloody sheets off the bed and held it up to Levi. It seemed like he couldn’t wrap his head around the whole affair, nor could he bring himself to ask why.

“We’ve always been like this,” Levi explained. His voice sounded hollow even to his ears but it didn’t matter. _This will be over soon._ “You were still a brat when I started fucking him. You don’t know half the things we’ve done.”

“I should’ve known,” Eren said resolutely. “It makes perfect fucking sense.”

“I never—”

“But I’ve done better, right?” Eren snapped brightly. He looked at Levi with shining eyes. “I’m a better monster than him.”

Levi had a sinking feeling in his gut. “You’re a titan shifter. You’re still _human_ ,” he said firmly. “I’ve made a mistake and I’m sorry. Eren, you’re not a monster.”

Realization finally dawned on Eren’s face. “You’re leaving me,” he said in disbelief. He took Levi by the arms and shook him. Up close, Levi could see despair clouding his glistening eyes. He felt his throat tightening and an ache growing in his head.

“Listen, Hanji is close to finding the solution,” Levi said as calmly as he can. He diverted his gaze, blinking rapidly to dispel the hot wetness threatening to fall from his eyes. Eren needed him to be humanity’s strongest now more than ever.

Levi shoved away all the unnamed emotions rising within him before taking Eren’s face in his hands. “The rage, the pain, the madness, all that will be gone. Very soon. I promise, Eren.”

“ _I don’t need that_ ,” Eren howled in frustration. He removed Levi’s hands from his face with such strength that Levi knew he was starting to shift again. Eren paced around the room aggressively, then he grabbed Levi’s teacup and threw it to the closed window. The shards didn’t even make a dent on his hardening skin.

“Why don’t you understand? Nothing has changed. You’re still the person I lo—”

“Eren Jager,” Levi cut him off resolutely, his gray eyes sharp as daggers. And cold, colder than they’ve ever been before. Eren flinched. “You’re the one who doesn’t understand.”

Eren’s incensed expression softened. He approached Levi and wrapped his arms around him. Levi was as still as stone, but Eren did not mind. He had always known that his master was a hard man. “You need me,” he whispered, smoothing back Levi’s hair affectionately. “The commander is marrying Marie Dok, everybody knows.”

Levi looked up at him with no hurt or anger in his eyes. He placed a callused hand on the side of Eren’s neck. The strong pulse under his hot skin felt precious to Levi, dearer to him than anything else in this world.

“You will be under Hanji Zoe’s jurisdiction from now on.”

Levi knew he would burn in hell soon enough, but his day of reckoning could not even wait for that.

Eren faded as quickly as he’d come, disappearing into an unknown testing center without a word to Levi. News of Erwin’s newfound success and newfound lover was voraciously consumed by the masses. He didn’t stop coming, but Levi could feel him slipping away bit by bit. He showed up one day with his engagement ring sitting proudly underneath the first knuckle. Levi threatened to chop off that finger and was duly punished for it.

“She will hate you,” he declared before spitting saliva, blood and cum at Erwin’s face. “Sick filthy murderous slut.”

“I’d love her even then,” Erwin replied calmly. He had never hurt Levi worse, until he confessed that he would break his engagement. Levi laughed and said he could never be that decent, that an ugly dumb bitch like Marie stood no chance to change a monster like him.

He was wrong. Erwin was stronger than he’d been, like could never be without his love for Marie. And Marie was not the pure, beautiful normal woman that Levi despised.

“I’m not deaf or stupid. I know what you’ve done,” she said after Erwin laid his engagement ring on their table. Her fists were trembling by her sides, but her words were unwavering. “I also know that you love me. So don’t go back to him ever again.”

Erwin couldn’t stand the sight of her. “Why do you still believe in me? Why can’t you _see_?” He snarled as he closed the distance between them. He seized her by the shoulder and tried to shake some sense into her. “Even if I do that, nothing would change. I’m fucked up beyond repair.”

“The whole damn world is fucked up beyond repair,” Marie replied, unfazed by his wrath. She took his face in her rough hands. “If that includes you and me, I accept that.”

“I can’t,” Erwin moaned. His face was twisted in anguish. “Marie, I can’t be anyone’s husband or anyone’s father.”

“You can,” Marie replied. She took Erwin’s hand and gently placed it on her stomach. “You are.”

For a moment, Erwin was frozen in utter confusion. When understanding hit him, he took a step back and his knees gave beneath him. Marie did not let go. “You have taken many lives. Now you’ve created one. You stood for humanity then, so stand for your son now.”

Erwin couldn’t stand without an iron ball tied to his ankle, he couldn’t breathe without his shackle, he couldn’t live without his master. These were truths he’d come to accept.

“Erwin, stand for me, with me.”

Now he also knew there was a new truth he couldn’t deny. It was the hardest choice Erwin ever had to make. So he became a coward, letting someone else make the choice for him.

Levi’s hands were steady as he poured tea into Erwin’s cup. He didn’t even spare the ring a glance. “I know. The whole world knows you’re getting married.”

“Levi, I have a son.”

Levi’s teapot shattered into a hundred pieces, soaking the wooden floor with smoking black tea. His harrowing laughter rang in Erwin’s skull. He thought Levi had gone utterly mad. Erwin wondered if the spilled tea would mask the red of his blood. Would his screams cause hushed speculations within this castle? Or would they all be so afraid of Levi that they’d pretend to have heard nothing?

_Marie_.

Levi abruptly stopped and pinned him with sinister gray eyes. “Without me, you’ll end up killing that kid along with its mother.”

Erwin felt a trickle of cold sweat running down his neck. He should’ve stood and run, but he was much too weak for that. He clenched his fists to stop them from trembling. “No one knows the outcome,” he said calmly, trying to convince himself more than Levi. “All we’re allowed to do is believe that we wouldn’t regret the choices we’ve made.”

It was then that Levi cracked. He heaved the table across the room, sending all the fine cutlery flying. Then he threw himself at Erwin’s feet. “I’m sorry for being bad, I’m sorry I’m like this,” Levi wept. “Please, I won’t hurt you again. I’ll be good to you.”

Erwin remained unresponsive. He let hatred burn his sympathy as he recalled all the times Levi killed him bit by bit. How he relished in Erwin’s pain, how much he hated him back. Levi’s agonized shrieks ripped at the silence.

“No one has to know,” he bargained as he held onto Erwin’s legs. “I’ll be a fucking gallant white knight to your wife, if that’s what it takes. I’ll tell your son war stories and he’ll worship you, I’ll teach him how to ride a horse, how to fight in your place, _please_.”

With tears streaked on his face and his small body crumpled on the ground, Levi looked like a plaintive child. He was the most beautiful and the most broken thing Erwin had ever held.

“The only one I pity more than you is myself.”

Erwin watched as despair slowly clouded Levi’s eyes. “You believe you won’t regret leaving me,” he said incredulously.

“Did you regret leaving me?” Erwin asked. They killed together. They lived together. But now they’re just dying together. There was no longer a reason to keep on lying. “Levi, we both know. You love him.”

Levi should’ve laughed. It was the dumbest notion in the whole world, coming from the lips of the smartest person he’d ever known. He should’ve hit Erwin hard enough to break his jaw—perhaps that would teach him.

Perhaps that would crush the doubt blooming like poison in Levi’s gut.

A small smile crept up on Erwin’s face at the lack of retaliation. It was part heartache, part triumph. Erwin Smith had finally beaten humanity’s strongest.

Levi was left reeling at his loss and defeat. No, as long as he didn’t accept it, it needn’t be true. He just had to make sure Eren would be in a position where Levi could never dare touch him, or hurt him, or kill him.

Levi is a quick study wherever he is put. Krista may be the highest ruler now, but she would always look at Levi as her captain and the one who led her to power. The Queen respected him, and above everyone else, trusted him. It only took a few whispers to rouse her fears of the ambitious and influential nobles, who surely chaff under the rule of a bastard girl. Of course, the Reiss family was only superior so long as they controlled the Coordinate’s power. What would happen now that it belonged to Eren Jager, son of the one humanity hailed as its savior? From there, it wasn’t difficult to persuade her to secure that power for herself.

Levi was able to convince himself that he had forgotten everything, until Hanji asked to talk about Eren. He had no shortage of frantic excuses. Only when Hanji threatened to drop custody of her subject did he begrudgingly agree to meet her. Levi swore to himself that he would definitively rescind all association or prerogative over the boy.

“He needs to eat living humans.”

If there was any point asking about the specifics, or how she figured it out, Hanji would be all too eager to share the science. Her brevity confirmed one thing—she was absolutely certain, and absolutely helpless to manipulate the outcome.

At his stunned silence, Hanji braved on. “I don’t know how many, and it won’t matter. It’s peace time and there’s no need for his titan power anymore. In fact, everybody’s already itching to eliminate all the threat from the shifters.”

“Everybody? Or you?”

Hanji wasn’t sure why, but the glint in Levi’s eyes made her blood go cold. His fingers danced over the hilt of a dagger hanging by his belt.

“Levi,” Hanji called out anxiously. She took a step back before even understanding why. In a flash, the darkness in Levi’s brows receded, to be replaced by his usual stoic disgruntlement.

Hanji let out a breath she hadn’t known she was holding. “I’m sorry. I am. You know that I also care about him but…” Her voice was deeply sympathetic, but Hanji’s gut instinct stopped her from physically comforting Levi. “I’m sure you see that the only way is—”

The crash of steel bars against the brick walls of his cell jolted Eren awake. His growl turned to a gasp when he saw Levi standing by the entrance, the light of torches casting a glow behind him.

Eren’s hazy eyes glimmered with pure rapture as he pulled against his chains zealously. Levi saw that his wrists were bleeding and his skin was frayed against the manacles. He was clothed with filth, caked blood, and not much else.

There was a metal contraption clamped on his mouth.

Levi’s movements were detached and perfunctory as he took every restraint off. “I knew you would come back to me,” Eren said elatedly, his voice cracking as if he hadn’t used it in a long time. He didn’t seem to mind that a team of scientists, along with two of the Queensguard were standing outside the cell. Levi did not meet his eyes, instead turning to the concoction he brought with him.

“Drink this,” Levi commanded, pushing a cup to his face. Eren’s delight melded into confusion before it disintegrated into fury. He viciously slapped the cup off of Levi’s hands, looking at the spilled contents with loathing.

“Don’t make this hard for yourself,” Levi said stonily. He stepped back to pour Eren another glass, but he found himself being pulled into Eren’s arms with ruthless strength.

“No!” Eren wailed like an injured animal. “If I drink that, I’ll be cured! Then you’ll leave me for good. Don’t you love me?”

“Love you?” Levi spat at him. His lips curved into a cruel leer before he shoved Eren’s soiled body away. “You disgust me. Drink this so I could get rid of you.”

Eren’s face contorted in misery, and Levi almost took him right there. Perhaps that was what Eren expected, after all, Levi had always been weak to pain. But at Levi’s impassiveness, fear began to take root in him. And when Eren is scared, he gets angry.

“Fuck you,” he snarled, spattering spit and blood on Levi’s face. “You needed me too, so you went ahead and used me to get what you want. Then you threw me away.”

“That’s exactly what I did. Because I can. Because I’m _strong_ ,” Levi said. “Humanity’s strongest doesn’t need an Eren Jager to babysit, a boy who needs everyone to save him from the world. From himself. How many people have died for you?”

“You’re a monster,” Eren rasped, shivering in shock and cold. Levi felt like a knife was being twisted in his heart.

“I am. I’m a monster,” he professed, sneering at Eren like he’s a hopeless student who finally caught on. “What about you? You’re not normal. But you’re also not special.”

Levi cradled his dirty face in both hands, locking their eyes together so Eren could see that there was nothing remotely human left in him.

“You’re just a freak.”

Then Levi pulled back, dusting himself off like nothing happened. Eren was motionless on the floor, broken inside out. Levi licked his lips. “I stayed when everyone abandoned you, but you never deserved me. I should just forget you ever existed, right?”

At that, Eren raised hysterical eyes up at him, crawling to Levi’s feet. “What do I need to do? Please just tell me, please, I’ll do anything.”

Levi shoved his boot to Eren’s face. A pained grunt escaped his lips, but he quickly returned to Levi and hugged him by the shins. “I can’t do it. Don’t send me away, _please_.”

Levi paid him no heed, walking to the door and dragging Eren across the floor. “If you really hate me that much, just kill me!”

Suddenly, Levi dropped to his knees and peeled Eren off of him. When the boy struggled, Levi kissed him lovingly, stroking his back until the sobs ebbed. “Eren,” Levi whispered to his ear. “You know that I love you, right? If you just obeyed me, I wouldn’t be angry.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Eren moaned wretchedly. Levi hushed him with another kiss.

“My beautiful monster. There’s no need to cry. Everything will be alright.”

Levi looked over his shoulder toward Hanji’s subordinates and his own. A member of the Queensguard had just enough courage to approach and hand him the flagon, but they all looked utterly petrified. No matter, there wouldn’t be anyone to listen to their horrified reports. Levi turned back to Eren’s adoring eyes, which looked only at him. They were clear of any doubt or hesitation.

Levi brought the solution to Eren’s lips. “Drink,” he ordered.

Only Levi and Eren would emerge from the underground keep, moving hand in hand within the castle’s shadows. They entered the very same passageways Erwin used in their previous trysts. Eren had been visibly shaken as Levi scrubbed the dirt and blood from his body. Outside, the sun had risen. It was time to forget how Eren had fallen last night, because today he would rise as the future king.

Levi’s fingers were deft as he snipped Eren’s hair and smoothed it back. It would not do for the queen’s consort to look anything less than majestic.

“I didn’t mean to do it,” Eren cried. “I’m so sorry, sorry, why did I do that?”

Levi made a small cut on Eren’s lip with his scissors, just to calm him. “You only did as I commanded. Whatever you need to do from here on, you’ll be doing it for me,” he reassured him, kissing the spot on Eren’s neck where his pulse was strong. “And soon, you will forget all of that and you’ll be happy. You will have the world.”

“And you?” Eren asked eagerly. Levi smiled.

“And me.”

The furor of the nobles are deafening as Eren Jager rose hand in hand with the Queen. Underneath their wide smiles and false applause, Erwin could smell the resentment of thwarted ambitions. Now he understands why the cause of this celebration was kept secret, and of course it only makes sense that the engagement was so sudden. The Queen has maneuvered this power play masterfully.

The royal couple wave at the audience, their matching rings glinting under the chandeliers. A flash of blinding pain tears through Erwin’s amputated arm. His soldier’s senses are blaring alarms. Something about this is _wrong_ , he knows immediately as he follows his new king’s feverish eyes. They aren’t sweeping through the entire hall to address the crowd—they are searching.

Erwin instinctively combs through the room before he even figures out what he’s doing. He and Eren simultaneously find what they’re looking for.

Marie is standing in the porch, her right arm chaffing in Levi’s grip. The warm brown of her eyes has been swallowed by the whites, her face gone horribly pale. Erwin’s blood surges through his veins as Levi’s turns to look at him. For an agonizing moment, he is paralyzed by the hatred in those eyes.

“It is so, but the deadnettle dies standing,” Marie says, her usually brazen voice quavering.

Erwin starts running. His legs feel like leaden logs detached from the rest of his body. _Levi is telling her everything_. Erwin has the mad urge to laugh while he races across the hall. As he is approaching, a strange sight pierces through his delirium.

A trail of blood trickling down Levi’s limp hand, wounding around his knucklebones and flowing down his fingers. A second, third, fourth trail quickly follow. Levi brings the hand up and runs his finger along Marie’s lip, the color of his blood lost in her lipstick. She looks on in silent horror as red blooms on the white titan suit over Levi’s chest. Erwin remembers bloody titans falling on the snow, shredded by his strongest soldier’s blades.

Levi could hear Hanji’s words. _An excruciating poison for humans, but a quick and painless death for a shifter_. _Eren would finally be free of the pain._

An anguished titan howl shatters the night. Hundreds of fat merchants and nobles stampede for the exits like terrified animals, running over broken bodies and shitting their regal garbs. They will find those doors locked tight.

Levi leans all his weight on the balcony ledge, pulling Marie with him. His gray eyes are pallid under the moonlight, but his lips are bright red and smiling.

“Give him a kiss from me.”

Levi lets go of Marie’s arm and falls into the night.


End file.
